there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
