Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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