I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
