dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
