Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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