i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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