goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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