We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
