I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i love accidental penises.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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