fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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