I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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