So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
