at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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