is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
