I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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