pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
