yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
