Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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