I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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