thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Never underestimate the power of titties
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
