You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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