No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
