not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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