if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
