btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
