Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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