Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
