Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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