you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
