he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
