Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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