After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
