i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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