Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
