but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
