we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
