My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
