Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
