I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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