So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there was a trapeze. enough said
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
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