Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
