I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
