Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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