MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
