So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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