I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want nice things and good sex
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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