Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
