Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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