I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
