Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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