you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
