remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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