I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
